i got all i want here in you tonight

oh boy.

due to current developments in my daily life i have been forced to come to terms with my fear of certain four letter words. i'm taking it slow and starting with the "s" word.

"stay."

eep.

there, i said it.

to help get over my phobia i've been listening to the song, "Lay Low" by My Morning Jacket. i'm not sure if it's working. but maybe it is.

preface

"if a june night could talk, it would probably boast it invented romance." ~Bern Williams

if there was a record keeper for summer romances he would be smiling as he wrote last night down in the archives. after a night of casting furtive glances in each other's direction and secretive hand grasps or hand on lower back reassurances our two protagonists snuck away from their company at the bars and spent a good hour sitting on the front step of an apartment building enjoying the warm summer night. a few cold splashes of rain later and it was pouring. shoes kicked off in the grass. a cartwheel in the road, under a streetlamp turning the rain droplets into wet diamonds. the street shimmering and liquid. an embrace. swaying to indiscernible music. every straight out of a movie romantic moment compounded into a five minute dance. ending with a tackle in the wet grass, freshly mowed, sticking to limbs and clothes and wet, dripping hair. ending in a first kiss. or a second. but then a third and fourth. ending in a run back to the apartment, arm grab, one last kiss in the rain, retreat.

movie life at it's finest.

two questions about love

1. does every guy have that girl in his past who has ruined him for all other women? honestly, i'm starting to get frustrated with fighting against idealized memories of whoever was there before me.

2. did magician's in the early 1900's really fall in love with their assistants as passionately as they do in the illusionist and the prestige? if so, set me up. that is my ideal love affair.

living is simple, breathing is easy

nature makes me immeasurably happy.

we saw about a bazillion butterflies today. what better way to enjoy summer?

no.

and my heart beats for myself.

june june june june june june june

i am in love with everything summer.

i am in love with sunshine, freckles, bikinis, and sleeping in
and hot weekend nights with my friends
and the way my skin looks in white clothing
and breezes and floating around in cool water under the hot sun
and the way music drifts lazily through thick humid air
and my anklet from florida
and napping in the warm afternoon
and meeting puppies while randomly walking around town or the lakes or the beach
and crisp linens and lightly painted toenails
and sweating, a lot.

i could live like this forever.

i sit around at work with Adam and talk about all the places he should see and dream about all the places i am going (hopefully) and i get anxious and antsy and restless and ambitious and motivated to just go go go.

i'm getting ready. i'm going.

round here we talk just like lions

i left the top down on my convertible and it rained and a small pond formed inside my car and it has smelled bad for the past two days. it smells like used diapers, on fire. and it's been raining, so i can't drive around with the top down to air it out.

i wish i looked sexy in sweatpants the way the cookie cutter girls of winona look sexy in sweatpants walking around on campus. maybe i look sexy in sweatpants but i don't carry myself with enough confidence.

it would be nice if i could understand the difference between vanity and confidence. maybe i wouldn't doubt myself so much if i knew how modest i am.

i'm failing at life lately, and it's starting to catch up to me. summer in winona is going to be quite interesting. maybe it'll make me miss home.

big fat leaves heavy with rain

i love my balcony. it's like a tree fort in a thick rainforest. the tree house i never had.

i am queen of the jungle.

i read a book cover to cover in two days. i drowned in it. it was marvelous. we haven't had internet at home and i've been reading more and enjoying down time more. i'll almost be disappointed when we finally get internet on the 12th and i'll probably fall right back in to my addiction.

maybe not.

i'm writing more. i read through my blog from the pacific challenge trip last year, and i got to reminiscing, and i got inspired, and now i'm writing a lot. this book i finished inspired me too. (The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky... i recommend it) hopefully when we get internet i'll just use it to write more, instead of checking facebook 20 times a day. we'll see i guess.

and now i'm off. to do otherwise unimportant summer things.